McRitos: Be Afraid… Very Afraid.

Today, I was told about a sassy new Dorito cleverly labeled only as X-13D. doritos-x-13d.jpg
I was told it “tastes like a cheeseburger!” I decided to try this for myself. I went to my corner store to see if this product existed in California. Sure enough, every single bag of crisps had been replaced (apparently overnight) by X-13D Doritos. I bought a packet, got in my car, ate 1 chip and yelled, “ACK FUCK!” It didn’t taste like “a cheeseburger,” it tasted like a McDonald’s Cheeseburger.
Just like Doritos don’t taste like tortilla chips – Doritos taste like Doritos. I got home, ate another, then stared at the bag with my neighbor: X-13D. 13D. 13. Why 13?
M is the 13th letter in the alphabet. 13D = MD. MD = McDonald’s. Wow.
It’s a conspiracy designed to kill Americans… the only humans stupid enough to eat this kind of crap on a regular basis.
My neighbor fully supported my theory. He was also high. He finished my bag of McRitos.

So, I looked for a corporate tie between McDonald’s Corp and Frito-Lay.
What I found was this:
“Genetically modified foods first entered many Americans diets through McDonald’s french fries and Frito-Lay’s corn chips,” best-selling author Michael Pollan said. “McDonald’s and Frito-Lay’s once used the potatoes that produce pesticide, New Leaf Superior potatoes developed by the chemical company Monsanto,” Pollan said. “But, many consumers never knew they were eating the re-engineered potato, because the federal government does not require genetically modified foods to be labeled.”
WHAT?
From Frito Lay’s “Health and Wellness” page:
Frito-Lay’s commitment to Health & Wellness has been, and will continue to be, demonstrated by the real actions we are taking to change the way America snacks. We understand our accountability to consumers – to provide them with great tasting, convenient, high-quality choices that cross the spectrum of nutritional variety – and Frito-Lay is committed to meet this challenge. Our Ingredients: Frito-Lay uses only the finest ingredients to deliver great tasting products. These ingredients include proprietary potatoes patented by Frito-Lay.

As a lawyer, I can tell you the following: that is the sketchiest shit I’ve read in some time. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to take part in a “flavor experiment” conducted by the people responsible for The McRib and Oberto Beef Jerky. Don’t eat the McRitos, people.
Drink my Kool-Aid instead.

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~ by reverendsupreme on May 21, 2007.

4 Responses to “McRitos: Be Afraid… Very Afraid.”

  1. I never tried the x-13d, but if you say it tastes like a McDonalds cheese burger I know it must be terrible.

  2. It’s pretty foul, my friend…

  3. […] x-13d June 4th, 2007 If you thought it was bad that mcdonalds sells their products than this is […]

  4. can a taste be “shocking”?
    that’s what it was.

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