The Lohan has been arrested AGAIN… DUI, suspended license, possession. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Blah Blah Blah. What a fucking moron.

***UPDATE*** This happened mere hours ago. Her ex-con father has already done an interview with TMZ:

Lindsay’s dad said that he doesn’t believe that the 21-year-old can survive this latest DUI storm on her own, and wants to put the nasty custody fight with his estranged wife Dina on hold, in a last ditch effort to save their daughter’s life. “I want to withdraw everything — court wise — sit down with Dina as Lindsay’s parents and figure out how to help her,” Lohan said. “Lindsay can’t do this on her own … when we were together, none of this was happening.”

Will Smith is badass.

Here are a few shots from the Beckham party hosted by The Scientologists.
Apparently, Stepford Wife Katie missed the “little black dress” memo.

TomKat, PoshN’Becks… Will and Jada. Will and Jada need a celebrity couple name.

Becks looks scared.

You can see more photos HERE
After you take a gander, maybe you can answer some questions I have:
1) Who invited Wesley Snipes?
2) Is Brooke Shields now required to attend everything that has anything to do with Tom Cruise? What will happen if she skips a photo op in his presence? Will her punishment involve an E-Meter?
3) Is Scientology the reason for Jim Carrey’s hair?
4) Just how hard are these martians trying to recruit Eva Longoria? Why? Her 15 minutes ended with that wedding.

That might be Jenny McCarty and Jim Carrey. I’m not really sure anymore…

There was no doubt he was gonna play, people. Tom Cruise and Will Smith are hosting a party to celebrate his debut RIGHT NOW in Downtown Los Angeles. They announced the party last week, people.

The Meep-Mop Scientologists bequeathed it. “Injury” is not a word understood by Cruise and Smith. Beckham doesn’t know who he’s fucking with, the poor guy.
Dude – they’re like Posh. They can’t be stopped.

This is the FOURTH time I have crafted this fucking post. I am having technical difficulties. And I’m tired. And I’m whining. Sorry for the delay…

In the midst of a bunch of morons deciding that Jennifer Garner is pregnant…

…Someone has taken the time to post an expose about her toe. Yes… I said it: HER TOE.

Yet another sign of our Devolution as a species.

Britney officially bypassed her usual trainwreck’d state of being to give shipwreck’d a whirl. Yippeeeeee!
She called a paparazzi photographer (aka: her LIFELINE… I believe she was actually apologizing to the paps just a few weeks ago) a big, fat pussy (or something to that effect).
Watch it for yourself.

Here are some fabulous photo highlights:

(Click on her nasty pits at your own risk!)

Please note: she appears to be posing for the paparazzi in the first thumbnail (on the dock). Sorry – posing for the “pussies”.

Paula got fired from the BRATZ movie. What the hell was she doing on a movie in the first place? Choreographing? Judging? WHAT DOES SHE EVEN DO ANYMORE?
1) She cries.
2) She pulls the “WHY, GOD? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?” card.
3) She cries some more.

4) She checks her mobile device.
5) She tries to “solve mysteries”.
6) She cries some more.
7) She yells at her “people”.

I will admit… it would be devastating to be kicked off of the one movie that may actually be beneath the bi-polar trainwreck we call “Paula Abdul” – even if you weren’t Paula Abdul herself.

Whatevs. The movie got made without her and now the fucking moron is PUBLICIZING it:

Good move, jackass.

If you care, here are the estimates (in millions, of course) for the weekend:

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry: 28.5 (NRG) 30 (Mktcast) 25 (OTX)

Hairspray: 20.25 (NRG) 27 (Mktcast) 29 (OTX)

Equally terrifying, both films provide further evidence of our Devolution as a species.

***UPDATE***
Here are the actuals:
Chuck and Larry: $34,775,000
Hairspray: $27,800,000
Look to Mktcast in the future. They were pretty damn close.

That’s right… the wait for David Beckham is OVER! And guess what…?

…Nobody seems to care enough to actually buy tickets. Hence, The Galaxy is now begging you to buy tickets:

COME SEE DAVID BECKHAM! UMMMM… PLEASE?! SERIOUSLY! WE WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD COME SEE DAVID BECKHAM!

I had been ignoring Courtney Love’s recent incoherent rant on myspace… for so very many reasons:
1) Get a real blog, Celebrity Peoples. It’s not hard (clearly).
2) Why are these “celebrity peoples” always taunting other “celebrity types” on the world’s most pedestrian “social networking site”?
3) Are they actually hoping to get “phished”? ‘Cause that’s generally what happens. And that means their 70,000 “Friends” are gonna get cellphone ringtone spamcomments. At the very least, their “Top 24″ will.

I digress…

The main reason is: Courtney Love + any form of “communication” = Mass Confusion.

However, the only properly spelled words in the post, “TIMES COURIER FONT” jumped out at me this morning and I felt the need to relay the rest of Courtney’s “words of wisdom”. They have something to do with Gwen Stefani, something to do with a Sportsac, a lot to do with fonts and, of course, massive quantities of drugs. The rest is up to you… maybe it’s a code? So Dark The Con Of Man? That sort of thing?

we were doing our hair( thew girls) way up in that ugly crazy building and couyld seeyou all for blocks, it was wild-= i told my peeps top go get bvoys wiuth skateboards and giurls whow ere into stefani, no offense to truyew fans i just felt like a challenge- if someone sreally into stefani to me that says they dontw anta nty trouble in thoe rlives, want very mucbh to be p[opular abnd accepted, wnatto be trendy but niot dangerous, and the idea of forcin gthat waznna be popular girl to face the fear cdoes somethin for me./plus im startinga clotyhing line this year too, just higher end and the lowerr end wont be about a font. i wouldbnt do that iu fond that crass somehow= a sportsac ten times the prio ce because it has ther same cuddle bear sweeetoe pie sign off that Rossdale used to sign hios letters to me with in a Times Courier font ? maybve its me, i know perfeume has a 800 -1200% profit markup so if one “brands” oneself well enough one can cash it in big an d hard by selling a perfume wethe rone gioves a shot about the smell opr not- kudos to madge for forgoinmg that , because nop way hads she not been asked. L.A.M.B. heh, well look its not fo rme to judge- im far mior eonteretsed in amazin g lingerie enyways and if i design a bag itll be fabulous

I did attempt to read The Chamber Of Secrets once, but I found it dense, and full of words, and papery. It was less like a “movie” and more like a “book”.
Anywhoodle…

If I did read Harry Potter books, I would hide them in DIY Book Jackets from THIS site.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Go HERE to see the full collection.

I don’t really care but, I thought you might:

I’ve said it before: I don’t care if you’re in a pilot about Cavemen, or you happen to be Michael Richards, or if you’re Angelina Jolie:
NO! BLACKFACE = NO!
Especially if you’re Sally Kirkland posing with Paris and Nicole.
OH, SWEET JESUS, THIS IS SO WRONG:

BURN IN HELL, YOU FUCKING MORONS.

1A) Sunny Afternoon by The Kinks:

1B) Sunny Afternoon is the inspiration for the following song you may have heard (listen to the “Windmill, Windmill” bits), which is further evidence of The Kinks‘ superiority:

2) I also love making movies. I do this for a living… from time to time. Because there was a Kinks‘ tee in the background of a DVD feature I produced for a movie I produced, I just got cc’d on an email from DAVE DAVIES! And along with his permission to use his t-shirted “likeness”, he sent a link:

2A) I shit you not. Watch it.

3) Sorry this ain’t a post about Britney flashing her crotch, or Jake Gyllenhaal acting like a douchebag, or Robbie Williams playing soccer…
I’m quite excited about having a hero’s email address. And it’s my blog so, sue me if you don’t like it. Or go check out Perez’s trash.

Me… I’ll be right here, watching the following:

(Dave Davies’ brother, Ray performing with Damon Albarn)

I used to wonder where Dave was…

Now I know.

In the beginning, Dexter was the only reason to pay for Showtime. Then, I got really excited about Californication. Unfortunately, I watched the pilot. It has the potential to be a good show… but, the pilot itself nixed it off my list of reasons to keep paying for Showtime. I was back down to just one reason: Dexter. Dexter is not on until October. Hence, there was no reason to have Showtime until his killing spree began again.

AND THEN I DISCOVERED MEADOWLANDS. This show is fucking awesome! If you aren’t hooked by the pilot, YOU HAVE NO BRAIN. And no taste. Which makes sense… you can’t have taste without a brain.
I digress…

WATCH MEADOWLANDS. IT’S “ON DEMAND”. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.
Unless, of course, you don’t have Showtime.

Sally returned to FOTC this week. Here is “Sally, I Love You” from episode 5:

Here’s the original ode to Sally, “Part-Time Model” from the pilot:

I am. Michael Cera is. I assume that “the other guy in Superbad” is also Superbad. Are you? Here’s an “UNEDITED, DELETED” scene from Superbad. If you are Superbad, you will probably enjoy it:

If you haven’t watched Clark and Michael yet, stop and do yourself a favor. Treat yourself. Click Clark and Michael. Do it. You won’t regret it. Hey – you deserve it.

You’re welcome.

Britney, darling… you just stripped down and jumped into Pacific Ocean… like, days ago. A mere panty flash is pretty anticlimactic.

I expected more from you.